After the last EMDR session, I was not thrilled to go back into therapy. The last session was very difficult, I was able to see a lot of images very vividly from my attack. If it wasn’t for my therapist and I coming up with something good to associate therapy with, I probably would be hesitant to consistently attend session. I have the fish store to look forward to after session and that has made me excited for therapy.
Going into my session I made sure that I had enough time to get there and not be stressed out with parking. I was a little hesitant going into my session, but I was ready continue the healing process. My therapist started out with talk therapy per usual. I told her about my week, which was a pretty decent. That week I was in Henderson, Nevada at my mom’s house. It was a mellow week with the dogs, getting organized with upcoming projects, and I met up with some friends in Vegas. I also really needed some time alone to process through the last session, so it was great to go out there.
There wasn’t too much to talk about in talk therapy other than my feelings from the last session. The trigger (e.g., being touched by the waist) that we worked on in the previous session was still a constant trigger. This trigger was continuing to bother me, so it was important to continue targeting it. My therapist got out the buzzers and we began EMDR therapy. The buzzers were turned up a bit too high for me, so we had to turn them down. When the buzzers are too high, it can be triggering rather than relaxing.
For this EMDR session, we went over the trigger about being touched by the waist. We started out with that memory and then I realized that I was having some issues with other things. In this session, my mind was bouncing around so much! It was crazy how I would think of one thing and then it would lead to another! They were all intertwined and still my constant theme is not having control of what’s happening around me. My boundaries are being pushed in certain situations and I need to figure out how to not feel threatened.
My therapy session was coming to an end for that day, it was time to wrap it up. I imagined my safe place, bringing my protection figure into the the area along with my wise figure. She then turned off the buzzers and put them back in their box. My therapist also talked to me about going to the fish store, so that I could feel regulated for the rest of the day. I hadn’t received my tank, so it was time to go and make sure I purchased it.
I left therapy feeling really good! Although EMDR can be really hard to go through, getting pieced back together at the end is SO helpful while going through this raw experience. With this session, I also had a lot of clarity with correlating different life events. I’m excited for the next session and to heal even further!