Since the previous week I had skipped out on doing EMDR therapy and did a talk therapy session instead, it was time to get back into EMDR therapy. It was really nice to take a break from doing such extensive therapy. Sometimes EMDR can be very difficult mentally to go through because you are very raw and going through all the emotions of your trauma. Even though I am raw and it may be difficult, I do see progress in myself.
Some of the progress that I have been seeing in my EMDR sessions is my reaction to people in situations where I’m around strangers. I talked about how my reactions were towards someone grabbing me the first time to my reaction to someone grabbing me by the wrist a few days prior to this session. When I got grabbed by the wrist at the gay bar I didn’t yell at him instead I simply told him don’t ever touch me and maybe another word might of been added in there. I then went home and meditated to get out of being triggered. The Meditation helped and I was able to go to bed.
My therapist and I had a discussion about the progress I had made with that and then she brought out the buzzers to start EMDR for that session. We started the process and she reminded me of my safe and wise figure which was my Grandma that had passed and my dog, Cash. She also asked me how I felt about my safety on a scale of one to ten. My answer to my therapist was a 5 so we started off with my assault when John grabbed me.
I went through the imagine of how John grabbed me and then I started to think about Thanksgiving with my mom. All my thoughts bounced around to different things that had happen in my life. All the thoughts and memories had intertwined in a sense and there was a connection to them. It was the constant fear of not having control and having my judgment not trusted.
I told my therapist that it had felt like I had ADHD in that session because my thoughts weren’t all about the attack, my thoughts were kinda everywhere. She had reassured me that everything was connected and that my thought weren’t all over the place. My therapist pieced me back together and we ended talking about some things to look forward to. We made my next appointment and I was on my way. Hope you enjoyed hearing about my session. Until next time guys!
XOXO Terra Newell